Knowing that change is constant, uncertainty in life is constant too. We may not like to acknowledge this, but uncertainty is increasingly becoming an unavoidable part of our life. There is a constant fear of the unknown lingering upon us. When life's uncertainties come at us, they do not ask for permission, nor do they play by our rules. Uncertainty is all around us and has become a reality that we all grapple with. It comes with its own turns and twists whether it is related to a global pandemic, medical or health issues, job-searching, relationships, finance, economy, or politics. At times it may bring good changes and other times inconveniences, making us feel helpless and worried about the future.
The experience of uncertainty is like having the feeling of floating adrift in the midst of the ocean not knowing where you are, not seeing any boundary, feeling lost and instilled with fear.
Could we be feeling this way because the uncertainty challenges our yearning desire for control, stability and predictability?
As human beings, we crave security. We want to feel safe and have a sense of control over our lives, of our well-being and safety. Knowing and planning for what's coming next is our inherent human nature. Being prepared brings a sense of control and agency, and makes us feel competent. No doubt that having a sense of ownership makes us feel confident and brings us at ease and alleviates stress and anxiety from unpredictability.
“Our anxiety does not come from thinking about the future, but from wanting to control it.” ~Khalil Gibran
We have control over many things in life, but we cannot control everything that happens to us. We are all different in how we handle uncertainty in life. There are some people, who are well informed can tolerate uncertainty with less stress, compared to those who are uninformed may feel insecure, bringing feelings of distress triggering stress and the fear of the unknown. For example, someone with a very serious health condition who is aware of their diagnosis and is well informed of its prognosis might feel more in control and feel at peace, compared to someone with a less serious health condition diagnosed with an unknown or poor prognosis. Anticipating bad things happening, and having negative thoughts may lead to feelings of hopelessness and depression.
In the past few months, worrying became my tool to cope with the uncertainty I was experiencing in my life. Worrying seemed like I was having some control over uncertain circumstances and was agonizing over the situation in the belief that it will help me find the solutions to the uncertainties. I would intensely wait to hear from my providers, checking my phone messages every few minutes in the hope for some answers. Searching for the answers online reading every opinion, talking with people who have gone through a similar situation, thinking through every possibility only in the hope to find answers for what I wanted to hear for an answer.
I went through a roller coaster ride for weeks and months. With me my family too experienced the ups and downs of the unpredictability. Knowing that worrying does not help, I still got sucked into the unknown only to have the control and predict the future that I wanted it to be. I concluded that chronic worrying can't give us more control over uncontrollable situation and does not haul away our uncertain circumstances. So, I started focusing on those things that were in my control and anchoring to things that were inevitable instead.
Embracing Uncertainty:
We believe that once we pass through a stage of adversity in our life, the uncertainty will disappear. However, the truth is that the moment we get to a new stage in our life, we may encounter another uncertainty. We constantly keep worrying about the next unpredictable thing that may happen to us, and cause ourselves undue stress.
Life isn’t about waiting for the storm to pass. It’s about learning to dance in the rain. It’s about acceptance. Accepting what we cannot control. This does not mean we are giving in. It means we are flowing with the flow. Staying between making it happen and letting it happen. Reminding ourselves that it’s okay to feel the way we feel during such times. It’s okay to feel lost and it’s okay to not have all the answers. Well, one thing is for sure that by constantly worrying does not give us more control over uncontrolled events. In fact, it saps our energy and pulls us away from the enjoyment of the present moment.
There are healthier ways to cope with uncertainty—and that begins with adjusting our mindset and changing our outlook towards it. By embracing the uncertainties and staying with the felt emotions, and with the bodily sensations, it allows us to be in the moment. Also, practicing slow and deep breaths and mindfulness meditation are great practices that keep us anchored in the moment. These practices create space and something shifts within that space, and it changes our perspective towards the situation.
Grounding and Striding with RAIN:
RAIN is a mindfulness practice that can bring a transformative change in reshaping our relationship with the uncertainty of our lives. It is necessary that we keep our sense of control and agency even in the most difficult times, and understand that uncertainty is not an obstacle to be feared, but a companion on our journey of life.
Mindfulness of RAIN is a practice that involves embracing uncertainty by focusing on what is certain in the present moment. This practice will help ease stress and calm your mind.
R- Recognize. Recognizing and acknowledging the thoughts and feelings that the adverse uncertainty may bring us at any given moment. It can make us feel anxious and fearful. Instead of constricting our physical and emotional sensations, recognizing those sensations with a simple whisper and noting what arises.
A- Allow. Allow the emotions to arise. Allowing and letting the emotions be present does not mean that we are giving in and that we are unworthy or incompetent. Rather we are honestly acknowledging the arising of our painful feelings that are underneath us. Allowing a pause or simply letting it be helps! Whispering encouraging words or phrases towards those feelings can also help.
I- Investigate. Once we recognize and allow what is surfacing, we can call on our natural curiosity to deepen our investigation of the uncertainty. To know the truth of the unknown, we can focus on our present experience and any felt-sensations that we may be experiencing in our bodies with care and in a non-judgemental way.
N- Nurture. Through the felt-sensations, we can try to sense what we need most in that moment. The moment we recognize that we are suffering, we can nurture ourselves with care and compassion. In the times of uncertainty, this small gesture of self love, although may find it awkward during tough times, will surely nourish our heart.
Trust and ground through your inner-strength, and believe in yourself that even in the midst of chaos and confusion, there is a purpose and a meaning behind what is happening - you’ll be able to make it through. Have faith in our abilities to persevere no matter what comes at us. By recognizing what is in our control and accepting what we cannot change, we can live our life to the best of our abilities.
I encourage you to explore RAIN as a stand-alone practice, moving through the steps whenever any challenging feeling of uncertainty arises within you.
References:
Stanford Report:
Dr. Pranesh Padmanabhan:
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